Monday, July 30, 2007

All these years



She hit the pause button on the vcr, freezing the image of a little girl with hair like Princess Lair,
strawberry juice all over her face and a matching natural blush.
The little girl was smiling excitedly at the camera, at her.

She grabbed her winter coat, blowing a kiss to the frozen image on the television before she pulled the door shut behind her.
Outside, she walked briskly to the nearest news stand.
She smiled at the guy behind the tiny counter. Two minutes early.
The truck pulled up on time as always, and the driver unloaded stacks of glossy magazines onto the sidewalk.

She picked out the same ones she did every month, right off the stack. One Maxim and one FHM.
"Hey, looks like your favourite's on Playboy this month." The guy behind the counter said to her laughing and giving her a wink. He was right, in a wrong way, if you knew what that meant.
She gave him a tight smile and paid him extra for the Playboy magazine.

Hurrying back to her house, she left the small stack on the coffee table while putting the kettle on to boil.
The scene she had froze the video tape on had darkened for being on pause for too long. She hit play and watched as the little girl ran away to pick up a huge strawberry and show it to the camera. She hit pause again, and the scene froze on the little girl with the strawberry half in her mouth, smiling.

She gingerly lifted the first magazine up and held it, staring at the cover girl for what seemed like ages. The girl was beautiful in every sense of the word. She was hot and the outfit she wore, or the lack of it, showed off and accentuated the curves of her body. She couldn't help smiling, just a little, at this barely recognizable woman, on this well known, glossy magazine cover.
Flipping to the beginning of the ten page spread, she found herself updated on the type of person this girl had become. How many tattoos she had, for instance. How many men and women she had slept with, the most number of people she had been in an orgy with - she shuddered at the answer to that question.

She placed the magazines with the others, in a rosewood box and took out, from that same box, a long yellowed envelope. She pulled out the letter that it contained, and read the words she had long ago memorised by heart.

Dear mom,
I'm sorry for everything I've put you through.
There hasn't been much I've been good at, but I think I've found something.
I just don't think you'd approve.

Don't worry about me, mom. I'll come back when I'm ready.
I love you

Natty

She ran her finger lightly over the pet name she had given her daughter, closed her eyes tightly, trying to remember how her daughter looked like the last time she saw her.
She had shoulder-length straight brown hair at the time, was thin, always thinking she was underdeveloped. Still, wasn't it what all fourteen year olds thought?
She'd always been the quieter one of the two sisters, even though she was older by five years. It had always been strange because, everyone expected the younger one to be quieter.

The phone rang, and she jumped up, hoping - as she always did - that it'd be her older daughter.

"hello?"
"mom."
"Natty?"
"uh no it's me. i'm coming over in a while okay?"

Pris, even though she grew up to be just as pretty, had never gotten as much attention as Natty.
Natty was the pretty, quiet one and Pris, was loud, bubble and entertaining. When her older sister left, she hardly talked about her, or the naked pictures she saw all over the place. Well what could anyone expect a little sister to say about seeing her older sister's naked, oiled body all over town?

Of course, no one could tell they were related anymore. She looked so different now.
As far a she knew, her oldest daughter hadn't had any major plastic surgery, but she was definitely a blonde, had piercings all over the place which, naturally, made her look quite different from the little girl she thought she knew.
It must have been, about fifteen years already, since her daughter left home.

And all that's left is her room, untouched all these years,
the clothes she left behind in her closet, baby pictures, that last letter and of course, the monthly magazines which she finds herself buying now.

She heared the front gate creak open, and a soft knock on the door.
Sighing, she set down her cold cup of tea and went to open it.

It's a surreal moment, the sharp coldness of the outside wind,
the sun falling through the painted glass and shining off a blonde head that whirls around in suprise.
She suddenly seems more familiar to her, up close, even though she's so much taller than she last remembered, and even taller, perfectly balanced on stilletoes.
She recognizes the big, soft brown eyes that always made her cave in to just one more round of Monopoly.
The full lips she vaugely remembered having to paint pink at kindergarten graduation, the light flush on her cheeks and the little mole to the side of her lips that she remembered teasing her about as a child.
She wore a small silver locket around her neck that she remembered giving to her for scoring top for her English class.

The full lips gave a soft smile, parting, to say words she never thought she would ever hear again from that voice,
"Hey mom"

_________
She couldn't take one more day,
home was more a prison now
Independance called out,
she had to get it

A fight was all she needed
to give her reason
She slammed the door with no goodbye
and look out it was time

Now she's driving too fast,
she didn't care to glance behind
Through her tears she laughed,
it's time to kiss the past goodbye
"I'm finally on my own,
don't try to tell me no.
There's so much more for me,
just watch what i could be"

she walked away
didn't say why she was leaving
She walked away
she left all she had believed in
She walked away

(c) xoxoCharis Vera @ 12:31:00 PM

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