You, me and I
Hold on for days.
Days and counting.
First thing he says to me, and second
and third
Fall to the ground, clutching the knife driven into your gut. You don't make sense anymore because, nothing does. You're not pulling the knife out, you're pushing it in deeper and deeper. Why shouldn't you anyway? This is your right. There is nothing else that you can do. There is nothing else left for you to do.
Foolish girl, foolish little girl. To think words you've held on tight to will make everything okay. To think that it made you special to him, like he was to you.
Your first thought, his first thought
and then, immediate action
or should i say, reaction.
Cradle the hurt to your chest like a newborn baby. Hold it tight and safe. Warm and painful, hold it tight to you. So tight that soon, there is not difference or space between you and the hurt. You have become the hurt and it, has become part of you. Absorbed and filling every single space in your body.
Cold cold emptiness. You sit, your fingernails tapping at the keyboard, like it was something important. It isn't. It isn't important, this isn't important, nothing is. What should be important is on a separate table, on a separate shelf.
How is it that you can think you feel so much love in a second, just a second and that is enough to last you for what seems like a lifetime. Yet the next moment that vanishes. You're left wondering what you've been holding onto for the past couple of days. Pushing yourself on sheer will and strength. Created by the absence of food because, it gives you power. Power and control over something.
Holding on, holding on.
Have you really been holding on, to nothing?
You think about that last smile, that last hug, that last kiss.
It is enough, you're being greedy. You cannot ask for more.
More! How dare you even think about asking for it! You don't deserve.
He is not yours. He is not yours anymore.
People, they don't belong to people. Of course, i well knew that before. I'm speaking figuratively. Do you know what i mean, what i am trying to say?
Have you tasted the tears that i have?
You, you belong to that ball and chain. You are shackled to your guilt and shame.
Nothing will be the same again, nothing. Why do you even expect it, knowing full well the answer. You can't make everything different, girl.
You built your own prison. Now look out the window and see what you cannot have.
Look.
Look at the man you loved and who loved you.
The fault is yours and no one else's.
Close your eyes girl, close your eyes.
Don't bother because,
There is no one waiting at your bedside. No one's praying, crying, loving you and hating themselves.
Don't,
because no one's waiting for you
to
wake up
(c) xoxoCharis Vera @ 10:20:00 PM
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