A little like poetry

vicious vicious cycle

i don't talk about mummy all that much now,
we're so so distant
so far away

suddenly janice is more important.
sigh
it's a catch 22 really,
that's what i realized as i was talking to calista this evening.
i centre my life around someone else,
i really don't mean to make my family feel left out,
or put them in second place.
but because i do that,
have my world wrapped around someone else,
my family feels left out.
janice and mummy grow closer
and suddenly,
i'm the one who's left out.

inside i know that i've always been happy,
proud almost,
that i'm closer to mummy than janice is
than she ever will be.
but suddenly,
it's like janice has replaced me.
she's taken over that special seat on mummy's right hand side
(or left because that's her good ear's side).

when we go out,
they walk in front while i trail on behind,
quiet most of the times
which is actually really different for someone like me

and because i'm all alone,
at the back most times,
i whip out my phone and start texting so i don't feel so alone.
then mummy turns around wanting to talk to me,
but she sees me apparently busy with my phone,
so she either gives up talking to me or gets mad that i'm always texting.

then i get more upset that she doesn't seem to understand and we both grow further and further apart.
it's a vicious cycle.

(c) xoxoCharis Vera @ 7:15:00 PM